Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
