I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
how drunk are you?
Several
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
Randomize
