We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Randomize
