just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
