My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
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