There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
