You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Randomize
