just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
