this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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