This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
