could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
Go christen that room with your naked body.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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