i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
