I wish I could teleport
And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
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