i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
i think my cat just said my name.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
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