Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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