I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
