Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
