god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
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