My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
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