took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Randomize