You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
Randomize
