i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
