she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
Randomize
