i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
i can't believe i had my finger in that
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
