My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
Randomize
