Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize