i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
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