How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Randomize
