I think i sorta joined a cult last night
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Randomize
