the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Randomize
