i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Randomize
