matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
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