The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
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