who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
Randomize
