I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
