I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
Randomize
