It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
Four minutes until I can fart!
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
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