fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
is that a dick in a sweater?
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
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