Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Randomize
