she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Randomize
