Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
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