I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
someone get that fucking seahorse.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
this will be a night to untag.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
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