Im at strip club and am horny
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
