Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
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