Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
