WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
