also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
