I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Randomize
