I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
Randomize
