Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
