Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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