so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
