I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
