I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
