I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
