im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
sex in a hospital.. check
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Randomize
