I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
