i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
May the power of my ass compel you!!
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
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