If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
Randomize
