Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
