you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
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