Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
