The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
