in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
I'm sobbing to NWA
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
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