there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
