I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
