his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
