I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Randomize
