dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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