Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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