She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
Is it because I queefed?
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
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