so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
Randomize
