God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
