Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
