I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
