I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
