better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Randomize
