I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
This couple is walking their pig around campus
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
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