She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
Randomize
