I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
Can I color on your dick again?
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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