So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize
